


A New Possession- Sai's Journal

by grizzlegreertrash



Series: Sai Journal [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Basically a headcanon masterpost in Sai's POV, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Diary/Journal, F/M, Gonna try to be as unbiased as possible, Naruto Novel Timeline, canon pairings - Freeform, mentions of canon pairings - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grizzlegreertrash/pseuds/grizzlegreertrash
Summary: A thought suddenly occurred in my head. What if Sai was granted a journal, and wrote in it often?Not much of a summary, but it is as advertised.Canon compliant with novel timeline and canon pairings
Relationships: Sai/Yamanaka Ino
Series: Sai Journal [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1760044
Comments: 9
Kudos: 88





	1. Entry #1- November 29th

**Author's Note:**

> A Sai, journal fic! I realized how much I love writing from Sai’s perspective as well as my avoidance of dialogue so I decided to culminate all of my ideas of Sai’s perspective into one massive fic. My goal is to create a good foundation so I can post 1-2 entries a day. I don’t know if I will succeed, but I have a lot of ideas, so hopefully I can get a good amount of stuff written.
> 
> It’s not a fullblown Saiino fic unfortunately, but it’s content regardless...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Sai, journal fic! I realized how much I love writing from Sai’s perspective as well as my avoidance of dialogue so I decided to culminate all of my ideas of Sai’s perspective into one massive fic. My goal is to create a good foundation so I can post 1-2 entries a day. I don’t know if I will succeed, but I have a lot of ideas, so hopefully I can get a good amount of stuff written.
> 
> It’s not a fullblown Saiino fic unfortunately, but it’s content regardless...

November 29th 

Hello? 

I’m not too sure how to address this…  
Or you… Are you a you, or is it just me?

When Ino gifted me this book for my 21st birthday, she told me that I was free to write whatever I wanted inside. However, I believe the intent is to express whatever “feelings” I may experience throughout the day, as perhaps it may progress my personal mission to recapture my emotions. 

A truly thoughtful gift in my opinion.

I’ve never written anything other than missives or mission reports, so I’m not too sure how to approach this. Perhaps I should seek some advice. Ino did say it could be anything, but I’m sure there is some kind of formula to this “journaling” thing.Regardless of my confusion, I do find this to be an interesting new creative endeavor. Naruto tells me that it’s strange for me to be so creatively inclined despite my lack of expression. For the longest time, I viewed my art as a means to enhance my ninjutsu, as I didn’t know much else outside my service as a shinobi. But since then, I have realized it was a latent connection to my brother which led to my possession over our sketchbook. Perhaps this book may also have an effect on my new bonds. 

I will try to keep up with this new experiment as long as I can. I should also properly thank Ino for this as well, perhaps she could give me more advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! I think this is an interesting way to express my own personal head canons through my what I believe to be from Sai’s own perspective. This follows the novels and the novel timeline, so I will be including info from them. The next entry will better delve into the kind of story this will be, so I hope you all enjoy this
> 
> Until next time
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	2. Entry #2-November 30th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks and here is entry number 2. I was intending on posting this yesterday, but entry 3 took some time due to it being about subject matter that I don’t think enough about. With this we see something with a little more substance and something to set the tone for the structure this journal will take. 
> 
> I also want to note that I created my own personal timeline for this novel to take place that is based off of the novels so it does have more of an official feel to it, but a reminder that there is no true official timeline for this franchise, so I have redacted the use of years in the entry dates

**November 30th**

Today I approached Ino as she worked to properly express my gratitude for her gift while explaining my lack of ideas. I even suggested showing her my first entry, to which she immediately declined. “Journals are private!” she quite loudly exclaimed. I don’t quite understand why it has to be private, since my desire to form bonds was never a secret, but I never mentioned this to her. I think she understood my confusion however, because she then sighed and suggested that I start by recording my thoughts on my current relationships. I believe this is a good entry concept, so I now find myself sitting in her family’s flower shop as I log my thoughts:

I guess I should start with Ino, since she’s sitting right in front of me. 

Our first meeting was shortly after my failed reconnaissance mission for Danzo-sama, which also happened to be my first mission with Team 7. I recognized her name as she gave it to me. She was the heiress to the esteemed Yamanaka clan, which meant she was proficient with the clan’s Shintenshin, making her as skilled with intelligence as I am. I figured that she was fated to join T&I like the copious amount of her clansmen that populated the department. Our outing was my first proper public outing since pronouncing to my new team that I had decided to try and regain what I had lost from my brother’s death, so I will admit that my knowledge of social behaviors was very lacking. 

Now that I look back to our meeting 4 years ago, she came across as quite friendly and approachable. She seems like that with most people, as I observe her working with the customers of her business with the utmost respect. 

Back then I felt overwhelmed with the pressures of meeting new people and interacting with them, nearly offending her comrade with my use of nicknames. I had read that women were more conscious about their appearance, which rang true with Sakura, who made a habit of hitting me everytime I used her given nickname “ugly.” I decided to use a different approach with Ino, mostly to avoid being hit once more and ruin a potential bond. 

_I called her “beautiful.”_

Although it was a lie to save myself at first, the name stuck, and I’ve come to learn that compared to others, she isn’t too bad to look at. Even now as she works with her flowers. Since we met, she had since decided to wear her long hair loose as opposed to her high ponytail. I will admit that I prefer her hair this way, as I like to think her hair reflects her personality. She covers the right side of her face with a long bang, similarly to how she appears as loud and temperamental as Sakura can be, but what’s hidden is a deeper reservation and kindness that I’ve experienced first hand. It’s only been a few weeks since that mission to the Land of Silence. 

_A few weeks since she saved my life._

My mission to recover missing shinobi who defected after the war had been obstructed by the tyrannical Gengo’s Genjutsu that left me trapped within his service. It was almost as if I was once more in the service of Danzo-sama’s will. I have no memories of my actions whilst under his control, but I am told that my brutality nearly killed Suna’s Princess, Temari. 

As remorseful as I am for my weakness, the only thing I can think of is my salvation from my mental prison. Sakura had once told me of her friendship with Ino and how her kindness had made her stronger, but I had never fully experienced such compassion before she risked her life to save me. I am truly grateful for her large gesture and I don’t know if I will ever be truly able to repay her. Given how she likes to compare her looks to Sakura, she must be vain too, so perhaps a portrait will suffice for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is all for now. I do have to work today, so the chances of having entry 4 out by Sunday is pretty slim. I think I’m gonna just stick to focusing on trying to post 1 a day to better suit me. I’m gonna need to invest in some eye drops because my eyes are getting dry from looking at my computer for so long.
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy, and see you in the next one
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	3. Entry #3- December 1st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s Number 3. Today’s been a long day, so I’m posting this super late where I am. This chapter has a lot to do with topics that I don’t think too much about, which is cool and interesting, but also time consuming. This is also the longest entry I’ve written so far, clocking in at a little more than 1000 words.

**December 1st**

I apologize. I was planning on going into more detail about my other bonds, but I got distracted through a small chat with Ino that led to a much larger discussion of her current project with Sakura to open up a Children’s Mental Clinic in Konoha. I found it difficult to pull away as it was a cause I related to and the passion that radiated from her words kept my intrigue. I believe that to be my first proper interaction with her since the mission. For some odd reason, I noticed her demeanor had changed from when I had seen her in group settings. Her once clear and rather bold talk turned into a slight stutter when broaching certain topics. I wonder if it is due to her personal life. I am aware that she is still grieving the loss of her father, as she had brought up how she missed him. 

Unfortunately, I have no connection to any blood relatives. My only family had consisted of Shin, and even then he wasn’t truly related to me. The concept of fatherhood is not one I would say I’m very knowledgeable in, either. However, I’ve heard things here and there from Naruto about the subject. What I’ve grasped is that father figures are people that are meant to guide you while supporting you along the way. There are few people in my life since my freedom from ROOT that can be considered father figures. 

Captain Yamato was the first to provide me a place to speak my mind after Danzo-sama’s death, when my tongue had been freed from his clutches and my faith in his words had truly begun to fade. We mainly spoke about our individual experiences in ROOT’s regime. Yamato however, allowed me access to some of his more darker secrets; some I swore to never repeat. Yamato was someone I could truly relate to as a shinobi. As a former ROOT operative, there are not many who have shared similar experiences to me. After the disbandment of the organization, many shinobi fled the village with scrolls, tools, and weapons in hand. Others ended their own lives at the unavoidable fact that their life’s mission had ended. The more fortunate ones were held in Konoha cells until the village could find a way to reintroduce them into the society of the village. I was lucky enough to have already received a foundation for my rehabilitation to begin. Yamato had also been lucky in being transferred to the job of the Sandaime’s protection at the request of Kakashi-sensei, now known as the Rokudaime. 

For the longest time,I had known Kakashi Hatake of the Sharingan for his extraordinary feats as an ANBU shinobi. His name as the legendary “Copy Ninja” had passed through the barracks of ROOT so many times he sounded more like a mythological figure than a man. To any respectable shinobi, working under him would be an absolute honor for his famous track record alone. I’ll admit that the thought of meeting him could be described as intimidating. 

_Suffice to say I was fairly disappointed at first…_

I met Kakashi-sensei in a hospital room, his body overexerted following a mission to rescue the Kazekage from the clutches of the Akatsuki. To me, he looked decrepit and delicate, as if every decision he made weighed on him and any slight movement he made would break him. On paper, he had served a life-span of three shinobi alone, so this shouldn’t have been much of a surprise to me. The surprises didn’t stop with Kakashi-sensei, as his laid back attitude and taste in literature were also unbecoming of a shinobi. 

This was remedied by the way he treated his students as the Jonin leader of Team 7. 

Although mostly standoffish, his bond with his students seemed incredibly close. Although both Naruto and Sakura have learned from more reputable Sannin Shinobi Jiraiya and the Godaime, Tsunade, they attribute the foundation of their values as shinobi to Kakashi. His value of camaraderie between shinobi had in turn been passed down to me from Naruto, finally opening my eyes to what I had once been denied under Danzo-sama. 

I understand that being in my position during Danzo-sama’s short tenure as Hokage meant that I was bound to be a suspect in carrying out his will. I myself had begun to truly question my own beliefs, as little as they were. But that was never questioned by Kakashi-sensei. He instead instilled belief in me to walk down the right path and choose to value the lives and safety of my comrades. It is a time that has since stuck to my being due to the feeling it gave me. To feel trusted and encouraged. I still cannot fully describe it, but to me it was the warmth and comfort that I would now account as:

_Acceptance…_

From Kakashi-sensei, this same acceptance continued even after the war, when he and the Godaime concluded the concealment of the identities of ROOT operatives to protect us from scorn and prejudice for actions that were out of our control. My ability to live in peace and continue to move forward in my rehabilitation has mainly been due to this decision.

I now work under Kakashi-sensei as his personal operative as Hokage despite my departure from the ANBU after the war. This at my personal request for time away from the same structured authority that I had been a part of since childhood. It was also at the suggestion of the Rokudaime, as he had suspicion of corruption in the inner workings of the ANBU. Another one of his famous hunches that was only proven with further investigation. It is now an operation between us that we are to weed this out of the ANBU in hopes of establishing a new foundation of values in Konoha’s underground. All for the sake of protecting the village and the Shinobi that work tirelessly for the sake of it. 

This is part of what I consider to be my own will. 

I have concluded that the Rokudaime cares for me as if I were one of his students, despite my history with ROOT. Not only through his support as a Jonin or Hokage, but also smaller acts of kindness. He has supplemented me with a good amount of research material over the years, some more questionable than others. 

I may be new to social nuances, but even I know what Icha Icha is all about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so there’s that. Next entry will be the lead up to the first of the major events in this timeline, which is the Last Movie. I’m not too sure how many entries it will cover, but I do have an idea about what I want Sai to talk about during these chapters, so at least I have a good idea. 
> 
> See you later,
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	4. Entry #4- December 5th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening Saiino nation!
> 
> I have the 4th entry right here, which is a lead up to The Last Movie. Although Sai is in a decent amount of content in the novels that came out in the blank period, Sai's overall contribution in The Last was basically grunt work. 
> 
> HOWEVER 
> 
> There is one line that he says that is very telling about his character at the time and what I would be considered a turning point in his character. 
> 
> So here we go!
> 
> (Also shoutout to my boyfriend for pointing out a line in the original draft that needed work and ended up turning into what I consider to be the best part of this entry)

**December 5th**

I find it very difficult to talk to Naruto nowadays.

We interact fine enough during missions. But since my operative work with Kakashi began, even that has diminished. My work is primarily investigative, something Naruto has never been skilled with. 

My failure to reach him is not due to my new position. It is actually due to the flock of girls that constantly surround him. Every attempt I’ve made to speak to him during my days in the village have resulted in him being stolen away once more by them. 

Their behavior is akin to a pack of predatory animals, stalking their prey before striking him right when most vulnerable. This would normally be considered a good thing for young kunoichi, but this is more petulant than praise-worthy. I’ve read that this is common for females, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen something like this. Naruto has, and I know this because he once explained that during their childhood, Sasuke had attracted a group of girls that all vied for his affection. He also insisted despite Sakura's denial that she was one of his most avid “fans” alongside Ino. 

I guess this is as good a time as any to properly describe Naruto.

Naruto can best be described as an idiot, but in a good way. He judges people for their character, rather than the preconceived notions of others. You could always be sure that if Naruto respects you, he will fight to the ends of the Earth for you. This is why I view Naruto as my closest friend and ally. He was the person who opened my eyes towards rediscovering bonds after my brother’s death, making a life beyond my life’s mission truly attainable. Although I’m still not entirely sure how I really feel about Sasuke-kun, I’m truly glad that Naruto was able to get through to him and raise him from his pit of selfishness that was disguised as righteousness. 

Although our bond began with distrust and indifference, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I’m not too sure how to feel about it. I don’t think I’m angry. I’ve experienced anger plenty of times before. In fact, anger is my most familiar emotion. Anger at Sauske-kun for the way he treated Naruto and Sakura. Anger at those wicked Akatsuki for manipulating the reanimated corpse of my brother.

_Anger at myself for not being able to understand anything..._

I guess mild irritation would best describe my current predicament. Am I jealous? Jealous of Naurto for being popular with people of the opposite sex? Although books say that men enjoy this kind of thing, I don’t think I would enjoy being swarmed with people of either sex if I’m honest. Or maybe I’m interpreting this information wrong. Am I instead envious of these young girls taking my time away from someone I consider important to me? Maybe it’s because Naruto's newfound fame is built purely on his actions rather than his own person, who has dealt with more struggle than any outsider could ever understand. 

I think I might be feeling a little too much over this right now, as in these encounters I’ve never heard Naruto boast, complain, or even compare them to Sasuke’s former entourage. I’m not completely sure if he is being courteous or just plain clueless.

I will admit that there are times in which the strong emotions overtake me leave me overwhelmed and unable to feel at all. In times like these I feel the need to disconnect and be comforted by the isolation that I’m so accustomed to.

I can tell I’m making progress in my goal, but sometimes it’s just too much to handle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I will admit was kind of difficult to write if I'm honest. This is because it had something that I felt needed to be resolved in the entry after it, which ended up being nearly the same amount of words as the first entry. But I'm glad I wrote it because we are closing in on the turning point I mentioned. I'm also posting these on the same day just because of how short the next entry is. 
> 
> So until we meet again,
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	5. Entry #5- December 12th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re back at it again. If you were unaware, I got into a small car accident yesterday, leaving me and my car unharmed, but I was a little bit shaken. I now am ready to post before I leave for work. I also have my movie chapter written for tomorrow. 
> 
> Last night, I saw myself reading a very old archived post of The Last story’s novel and found some pretty interesting things that were left out of the movie. Such as InoShikaCho spending time with Kurenai and Mirai, as well as a solemn perspective of Sai during this period. Also something I may include in future installments.
> 
> This entry was rather short, as I had written myself into a tiny hole and had to conclude the dilemma I had started in the previous entry. I was initially going to post it the same day as 4, but was unsatisfied with the length. I added a little more substance before moving onto entry 6. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay, so here we are

**December 12th**

It’s been a week since my last entry, but that isn’t because I’ve been busy. It’s just that I don’t have much to say. I’ve also hardly spent time within the village, choosing instead to sit in seclusion in the surrounding forest, sketching the sight below me and feeling the winter air against my skin. 

I am more familiar with the inner sanctums and outskirts of Konoha than the village itself. I wasn’t even raised here, but deep in Fire country forest. Back then there would be long stretches of time where Shin and I did nothing but hone our abilities. I’m not even sure I know when we first arrived. From the earliest time I can remember, I was around Danzo-sama and Shin, hidden from the rest of the world to protect it. Although I’ve supported it from the underground like any ROOT agent, I’m not entirely sure if I’m truly rooted in the village itself. 

It’s been 4 years since my self proclaimed rehabilitation. Rebuild efforts in Konoha are close to completion and life from before the Akatsuki’s assault on the village has returned. At least for the most part. We cannot return the many lives of shinobi that were lost during the war, and those who lived through it will always be affected by their participation. Many of my friends have moved onto new endeavors, like Naruto who has only begun his education towards becoming Hokage despite still being a genin. And then there are those like Shikamaru and Ino, who have had to quickly assimilate to upholding the positions their fathers had left for them in their clans and in the village. 

Although I’ve had more success in my social interactions with friends, I still find myself at a loss on how to move forward with my life. To find some higher purpose in myself that serves for something other than the betterment and protection of the village. Not to mention that the amount of shinobi work is predicted to decrease now that peace has been formed between the nations. In fact, due to my lack of identity, I have only ever been known as a ninja my entire life. 

_I guess that doesn’t cut it anymore._

I have had this book for only 10 days and I have already been able to express quite a few of my feelings and current dilemmas into words. Having this around has made me feel a little more secure in truly understanding my current self. Ino was right, this was a good way for me to cope. Perhaps I should visit the flower shop to update her on my status as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s that. Tomorrow is the long awaited Last Movie chapter. It’s fairly long and contains one of my favorite sequences to write so far, loosely based on a scene from the Shikamaru novel. 
> 
> See you tomorrow 
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	6. Entry #6-December 18th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are! The long awaited "The Last Chapter." I did a bit of digging in regards to this chapter due to finding that the movie version of this story left out some small bits of information that I found fairly interesting. We are also coming up upon that turning point that I mentioned earlier. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this one, I sure enjoyed it myself :)

**December 18th**

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced such a bizarre mission in my life. I never thought in my mostly dependent life that I would ever travel to the moon for a rescue mission, but here we are. Seeing Hanabi-chan captured and having those damn puppets catch me off guard was what I would personally call an embarrassment of my skill, making me feel a sense of obligation when being selected for this mission. Not to mention that my role was to provide adequate transportation for the rest of the search party. 

This is also interesting because this is the first time I can say I worked alongside Shikamaru on a mission. The Hokage’s advisor and Nara clan head had a reputation among our generation for being an expert strategist acclaimed for his ability to command a team of shinobi. Not to mention being one of the first of their group to be promoted to Chunin. Despite receiving the rank at 10 myself, it still is impressive given the stories surrounding that particular exam. 

Although I know from how Ino has described him that he’s as lazy as he is intellectual. But I also know that he is a shinobi with respectable values. Afterall, he was the first to travel to the Land of Silence to save me from Gengo’s manipulative words. I appreciate him for that as well as the kind things he said to me.

_I remember being confused and bleary, as if I had awoken from a strange dream. I was surrounded by a small team of med-nin hunched over me, my eyes quickly darting around in desperate search to identify my exact location. I soon spotted Ino in the corner of my eye, throat trying to choke out her name. She gently cleared the area before crouching down and carefully explained the situation, my hand firmly within her grasp. When she finished, I couldn’t trust myself to speak. I really wanted to cry, but no tears fell from my eyes. She tried to apologize for her forceful measures but I shook my head to silence her, she didn’t need to apologize for saving me like that. I closed my eyes and tried to give her the most convincing smile I could muster. She then squeezed my head, quirking her eyebrow up with a smirk._

_“Your real smile is so much better.”_

_Her words rang in my ears and she got up before I could properly respond, as my mind was still foggy. I whipped my head around to watch her figure grow further from me as she walked away._

_I felt awful, truly disgusted with myself. I spend all this time manipulated by authority just to escape and fall back under its control. I nearly hurt friends and allies, but what about innocent people? The uncertainty alone made me feel sick. But when I heard my name called, I propped myself on my elbows to speak with Shikamaru. He wouldn’t allow me to apologize, even admitting that he had nearly fallen under Gengo’s spell as well. He assured me that I had nothing more to worry about, before leaving me in Ino’s care once more._

Back then, Shikamaru had reaffirmed my loyalty in the village and in my friends back then, so I honestly can’t help but feel pretty relieved that I get to work under his command. 

But he sure hasn’t made it easy on me. 

Although my chakra reserves are as vast as ever, it has been a fairly draining task to keep many of my drawings active for long stretches of time. Not to mention some of the more rash decisions Shikamaru has made during this mission. At least now I get to rest while waiting for Naruto and Sakura to recover.

After Naruto had his chakra drained by the Otsutsuki, Sakura had rushed to resuscitate him with every ounce of her being until she was unable to move, leaving Shikamaru and myself alone. We engage in small talk here and there, but the imminent threat of the world’s end leaves us with little to say.

We sit in waiting, listening to Naruto’s incoherent and unconscious murmerings. Sometimes we are able to pick up small words and phrases.

_“Please don’t go”_

_“I’ll be better”_

_“Hinata…”_

Shikamaru says that he finally gets it, but I don’t fully understand.

_What am I missing here?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The narrative bit in the middle was loosely based on a scene from the Shikamaru novel that wasn't adapted into this anime and came from purely a ramble that had substance, but that's what journal's are right? It however is also one of my most favorite sections I've written so far. In my mind I wanted this entry to be about Sai's impression of Shikamaru, but with mentioning Shikamaru's comforting words to Sai at the end of the novel I couldn't help but include that Ino did care for Sai after she saved him.
> 
> Well next entry will cover the aftermath of the moon mission but will also give us an update on Sai's overall perspective and his current purpose dilemma.
> 
> Thanks for reading
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	7. Entry #7- December 22nd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Saiino Nation,
> 
> We finally get to the Sai's turning point in perspective! This one is also one of my more lengthy entries at nearly 950 words. Hopefully this will suffice because I'm gonna take a bit with the next entry.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the aftermath entry from The Last Movie

**December 22nd**   
  


I haven’t experienced this much fatigue after a mission in a long time. If I were to be honest, I probably wouldn’t be able to exactly pinpoint a time when I had ended up so exhausted due to a mission. With the amount of jobs I’ve completed through my long career as a shinobi, many of them are now too far from my memory’s grasp. Between Shikamaru’s heavy orders and the urgency of the mission, my body had been pushed to its limits. 

If I were to use a more casual phrase, I’d say he worked me like a dog.

In my exhaustion I have hardly left my futon, let alone my apartment. I’ve received a few phone calls, primarily from Sakura and Ino regarding my condition. These conversations have mainly gone like so:

_Are you feeling okay?_

_Yes._

_Do you need anything?_

_I’m alright._

_Okay then..._

_Goodbye *click*_

Phone conversations are harder than face to face conversations because I am not able to view a person’s expression to gauge the intent of their words or how they respond to me. Missives are no better, but those are only used for mission updates and transferring vital information. This is why I prefer my casual interactions in public. I’ve never even had company over before. It is fairly common knowledge in Konoha’s residential records that I live in a small apartment complex in the northeastern district of the village, however I hardly stay home enough to ask for said company. 

My living space provides the basic necessities, like any home should; Shelter, plumbing, a place to sleep, and storage for my supplies. Other than that, the space is not used for much else. The only times I prefer to reside in my apartment is when I wish to sleep, and shower. 

When I was still in ROOT, I only spent time here when I was relieved of duty, but those breaks were never long. I spent them working on small untitled works to pass the time when I had no more mission briefings to read. Now that I’ve realized that my art is an expression of my being, I’d much rather express myself in the open. Still in isolation most of the time, but open nonetheless. 

Despite my lack of visitors, I have read up on being a good host. I figured that doing so may help the inevitability of someday having a visitor. 

Perhaps it may be soon, as I’ve begun the next phase of my research into human bonds.

_How exciting…_

This has come after observing Naruto’s usual whirlwind of emotions get more complicated as he came to grips with his internal feelings for Hinata. I had noticed their increased time spent together during this mission and assumed that Naruto was just comforting Hinata over the status of Hanabi-chan. But when his unconscious ramblings were clearly about something that happened between them, my curiosity piqued.

_“…I confessed to Hinata,” Naruto admitted, gazing into the flames._

_“Confessed?” I looked at Shikamaru._

_“It means to convey romantic feelings to the other person…”_

_“Oh, that ‘confession’… I know that word.”_

A “confession” is when you inform a person that you wish to heighten your bond and engage in a romantic relationship. I had once been given research material regarding the matter, but I had never witnessed a real life confession. Although I’ve read on the topic, romance and romantic relationships are the bonds I’m the least knowledgeable on. It’s a concept that has been known for centuries as complex and unyielding in form.

It seems as if there was something truly special that came over Naruto and Hinata during this mission. One that excluded Sakura, Shikamaru, and myself. It truly is an enigma to myself, something that I would enjoy to learn more about or maybe even experience myself someday. As I see it, this isn’t something I think I am capable of achieving at this time, but perhaps I could. I know that people in romantic relationships are completely open and understanding with one another, leaving no room for doubt in their feelings.

In that case, I guess my first step would be to find someone who can understand me, which may prove difficult when I can hardly understand myself. Not to mention that the books suggest some form of attraction to gauge a person’s eligibility as a romantic partner, but I have no true concept for how someone should look or a preference I have for a person’s appearance. Perhaps I should do more research before properly engaging in romantic behaviors. 

Christmas is approaching, which has proven to be a good opportunity to properly repay Ino for the actions she committed in the name of my wellbeing. I was going to stick to the idea of recreating her image in the form of a portrait, but it is best completed when your model is utterly still and in sight. I could find a way to paint her without her knowledge, as it is something I’ve done before, however I know that it can also come across as “creepy.”

In that case I should suggest the idea for the gift and go from there if she accepts. It would also be a good idea to make a proper plan for if she says yes, which I’ve read is great for organizing gatherings with friends:

  1. Suggest to Ino about gift idea
  2. Invite her to apartment to paint her image
  3. Offer up hospitality as a gracious host



Hopefully she accepts my invitation. Christmas Eve should be a fitting date for it

________________________________________________________________________________________

_Update: She said yes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we got to that special turning point where Sai's interest in romantic relationships occurs. But funny enough, I never mentioned the line from the movie where Sai tells Naruto that his unconscious murmurs are considered to be "good research material." Instead, I grabbed a line from a translation of The Last's novelization, where Sai is slightly confused by Naruto's "confession."
> 
> I was curious on whether or not I was going to mention Christmas in this, since it does exist in the Naruto universe. However Christmas in Japan is not seen as a religious holiday like it is in western countries. It's instead more of a gift-giving holiday. There is another context to Christmas in Japan, but I made it so that Sai doesn't know much about it when he proposes this idea to Ino. 
> 
> This one might take me a bit because I don't have a plan for this "date" going into it, so please give me some time. It's also going to not be formatted like an entry, but more like that section from entry 6 that was a little more narrative. It also gives me a break because I'm back into the full swing of work again. 
> 
> Well, until next time
> 
> Saikage- (grizzlegreertrash)


	8. Entry #8- January 5th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again Saiino nation!
> 
> I am back with a new entry. Since my recent health dilemmas and work schedule, I have decided that daily entries might be a bit too far of a stretch. Summer is fast approaching, and there is so much I want to do besides work on this. That doesn't mean I'm taking a break, however. I'm just going to be laying off a bit on myself. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you all enjoyed my connecting one shot, because here we see the fallout from that narrative. This dilemma will not last too long, but I wanted something to bridge between The Last Movie and the Sakura Hiden, which occur at least 3 months from eachother. I also had put some pressure on myself by switching gears to Ino's perspective and then immediately jumping back into poor, heartbroken Sai. 
> 
> My boyfriend is at work as I post this, so there may be potential edits to this entry. I was so psyched about this entry that I didn't want to wait for him, lol. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this well overdue entry, (aka the Christmas fallout)

**January 5**

I’m an idiot

Here I went and destroyed a friendship over my ignorance and carelessness. In an attempt to gratify Ino, I tried to perform a friendly gesture on Christmas Eve, but instead I made her unable to stand my presence. She suddenly left with no explanation, so I still don’t fully understand what I did to cause her departure. All I know is that she has now started to avoid me. I guess my “weirdness” has finally scared someone away. I am not even sure how I am supposed to apologize to her when she is not even allowing me an opportunity. I wouldn’t know what to say, regardless. 

I’m not fully sure what to make of it, but I feel like there is some hidden meaning that I’m just not seeing. I’ve read extensively on women, concluding that they are complex beings that no man has ever been able to understand and Ino is definitely no exception. She seemed to have been fine the entire night with her usual straightforwardness. There had even been a few moments when something she had said caught me off guard. But it was as if it all changed when we entered my apartment that she started acting strange. Under careful observation, she appeared to fidget a lot more even after I had told her to sit still, her face shining red. There must’ve been a war going on inside her mind that I did not truly notice until she abruptly stood up. 

No, I was too absorbed in my work to notice. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying myself at that moment. Being able to share with others is my main joy as an artist. Shin’s praise had been the driving force for what would later on become the only thing I consider a passion. And now that passion is being turned into a cycle of torture that I can only describe as:

_Yearning…_

Since the Christmas debacle, I have only wanted to create in her image. I believe this to be because I had been interrupted in my first musings of her. I have become unsatisfied. Unfinished sketches litter my floor, all of her. 

_Faceless..._

With every attempt, I lose myself at her eyes before giving up completely and starting a new one. Temptations of going to see her just for her eyes have all but overtaken me and it’s maddening. 

I’ve felt more lost than ever. Distracted by my guilt, I had missed a good chunk of Konoha’s New Years celebrations. During Lee’s annual New Year’s gathering, I felt detached. Hovering in place unaware of my surroundings as everyone else participated in the festivities, every now and then throwing glances at Ino. She had been unusually reserved that night, holding the same drink in her hand. 

Ino was almost always inebriated during holiday gatherings such as these, louder and more unapologetically honest than usual. I guess she had been in her own world then and it made me feel even worse.

It’s been five days since that party, and all that time has been spent in constant regret and stuck drawing the same faceless woman. 

_The woman I can’t face myself._

The winter holiday is ending, so that means it will be back to work soon and my time will once again be nearly expended. Holidays for shinobi were never common, but now come more frequently since peace has been enacted between the nations. With less time on my hands means less time spent worrying over my current bonds, but also takes time away for me to prepare a proper apology. 

I recently confided in Sakura, who shared my sentiments over Ino’s behavior and assuring me that it was “weird, even for her.” She had allegedly been unsuccessful in her attempts to “pry” information out of Ino, which naturally caused Sakura to also worry. They had been long term friends after all. Despite this, Sakura assured me that she would get to the bottom of it, but I would personally prefer to contact Ino myself as difficult as that might be. There has to be a way to make her see eye to eye with me so we can properly communicate.

Perhaps I just need to speak her language. And I might just have a book that can help me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I am leading into a conclusion soon, so look out for that. 
> 
> I am so happy to finally be able to have a successful writing project. I've been attempting to write like this for nearly 5 years now, and I can finally say that I am consistently writing to the best of my ability. I hope you guys are not discouraged by my slight distance from what I set out to accomplish with this fic, but with normal life slowly but surely returning to my area, I realize that it might be a little too much for me to do in my spare time. 
> 
> Regardless, I want to thank you for supporting this story so far. Besides for my personal enjoyment of writing, I prioritize the comprehension and feelings of my readers. So once again, thanks a bunch and as always criticism and comments are welcome!
> 
> Until next time (whenever that may be)
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	9. Entry #9- January 31st

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again Saiino nation. I hope you enjoyed the last one shot because I enjoyed writing it. Although I started off being uncomfortable with writing dialogue, now I feel comfortable enough that I want to do it more frequently. I do like being able to divert away from the journal format to write from Ino's perspective. She is very fun to write and I can't wait to write more of her. 
> 
> So now, back to Sai talking about romantic endeavors part 2/135

**January 31st**

En route to the Hokage’s office this morning, I was approached by Hanabi-chan. She has since recovered from the events of her capture, returning to form to the lively young girl I saw in front of me today. She was a young kunoichi, lucky enough to have been too young to participate in the war,destined to heed the call in teaching the next generation of shinobi. 

Hanabi-chan and I had formed a small bond after her rescue in December, which has remained steady since. I wave to her when we pass by one-another in the village, and on occasion, inquire about her condition and wellbeing to Hinata.

Although the gestures seem insignificant, they still hold meaning for the both of us. 

Today however, she seemed very eager to tell me something, speaking so quickly that I could hardly keep up with it all.

_“Did you hear about Nee-san and Naruto nii-san’s wedding?” I didn’t know how to respond to her excitement so I faked it, smiling with a quick nod and a hum. “Because of that, Nee-san has stepped down as the clan’s heiress.”_

Everyone in the village knew about Naruto’s betrothal at this point, and it was now what everyone talked about. Besides the influence of the Hyuga clan and Naruto, the union between two shinobi wasn’t a common occurrence. Many considered their duty to be their main responsibility, leaving marriage to be the obligation of clan heads whose birthright included continuing their bloodline. Shinobi clan heads marrying fellow shinobi was also uncommon due to the prevention of outside influence on their clans and their heir. But besides all of that, devoted shinobi do not make long term commitments like marriage for the simple fact that their life is constantly at risk. 

This had been the unspoken way of life for years. It was also the way of life that once defined me as a person. And now that peace has been achieved, that way of life will be defied by many, starting with Naruto and Hinata. 

This would not be unnoticed, as the distinguished Hyuuga clan’s heiress would be relinquishing her obligations to take the name of a fellow shinobi with no present ties to an organized clan, all for the sake of her bond. It was as admirable to me as it was unprecedented to others.

I’ve read that marriage has much deeper significance than its surface definition of being the legal union of two people. It also symbolized the intimate connection of a couple. This is what is considered the ultimate form of a romantic bond, seen as the end goal for those in romantic relations with others. 

_Would that be my end goal as well?_

It has been a question I’ve been asking myself since I learned of Naruto’s engagement and I still am not sure of the answer. I’ve already addressed here that to undertake a “love quest” I must be able to love and be loved by someone willing to look beyond my inclinations, and that some form of attraction is necessary to motivate intimacy. 

The problem is that regardless of how much I research on romantic bonds, I can never truly grasp how they function. All of the books conclude that expressions of love and affection vary from person to person and that the same goes for attraction. Even Hinata told me this when I asked her.

_“It is something you won’t truly know until you’ve experienced it, Sai-san”_

And yet, I don’t know what that means for me, a man whose main experiences with human interaction were motivated by duty and service to his superiors. I’m not even sure if I am capable of knowing this. 

All I can do now is not worry about it and keep moving forward in my life. I also read that sometimes this can happen when you least expect it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that on that. I like being able to portray another one of Sai's smaller bonds, which is his friendship with Hanabi Hyuuga. Although I do hc that she had a little crush on him after The Last Movie, Sai never saw her more than a younger sister, and why wouldn't he when he's 6 years older than her? SP also highlighted their little bond in the 49th episode of Boruto with a small interaction between them in regards to one of Sai's adopted children, Sumire. This interaction convinces me that Sai is encouraging to everyone despite his intimidating presence and position. God I love this man, but I digress. 
> 
> Next entry will begin another chapter that injects one of my favorite Sai headcanons that connects directly to the Sakura novel. We are almost there Saiino nation. We are close to the light
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for reading, and see you tomorrow probably, who knows?
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	10. Entry #10- February 8th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again Saiino nation!
> 
> I'm back again after a few days with my next entry, this one being a whopping 1k words. It's been a while since I wrote an entry of this magnitude. It also covers a personal hc that I have a large connection to. 
> 
> I had the weekend off of work, but this upcoming week is going to be rather busy, so I am not sure how that will affect my entries. There has also been a plot bunny that has cropped up in my mind. The catch is that it really doesn't have a plot, only small drabbles that revolve around one concept that I might put together into a small fic if I have enough inspiration, so be on the lookout for that. 
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy this one!

**February 8th**

Sakura enjoys talking about her work overseeing the therapy center. It’s been the main focus of some of our most recent conversations. She had explained in enormous detail about the amount of work her and Ino had done to establish the center, and it shocked me that it was accomplished by only two people with very little assistance. Their personal mission to rehabilitate struggling youth had been a commendable one, as well as being something I personally connected to.

As someone who’s youth was affected by the hands of shinobi, I naturally empathize with many children who find themselves patients in the therapy center, and identify with their paths towards healing. 

_Especially now_

Sakura had soon approached me regarding the treatment of 18 children that were once a part of ROOT’s training program, lamenting over their progress.

_“We haven’t made any progress. The specialists are at their wits end.”_

Sakura looked completely drained. Between lending her services at the hospital and opening the therapy center, Sakura had been difficult to reach. Ino had mentioned how much she had been working recently and how she constantly tried to “drag her ass out of her office just for a few minutes”. I couldn’t help but sympathize with her

_“Well, it’s very hard to trust others when you were trained to trust no one to begin with. It will take time for them to open up, but they will eventually.” I tried to give her my most endearing smile to encourage her. She didn’t meet my eyes, but I watched a sad smile grace her face “Sai, that’s some really good advice.” Suddenly her head raised, a wild grin spread wide across her face. “Sai! You should speak to these kids! You know how to connect to their struggle, this could help them!”_

_The thought of counseling set panic into my mind. I’m far from being a professional. I hardly know how to speak casually with friends, how would I be able to give advice to a group of children?_

_How could I help these kids when I have hardly helped myself?_

_I tried to convey this to Sakura, but my pleas fell on deaf ears. “You would be fine. You would be accompanied by a specialist of course, so it’s not as if you’d be alone.” I wouldn’t be able to change her mind when she was so convinced._

_“Please just consider it, Sai. You could really change the lives of these children.”_

I couldn’t help but assume that Sakura had specifically fabricated that conversation to try and persuade me to lend my services. It’s not as if I didn’t want to help them. I am just not sure I am the right person to help them. Although I understand their pain, I don’t think it is my place to tell them how to use their newfound freedom. Sakura had also suggested that my Choujuu Giga could assist me, but I waved that idea off. I have used my ninjutsu to entertain children before, but ROOT children are not raised to be enthused by some drawings.

This afternoon, I visited the center to gauge the situation for myself. I was informed by one of the center’s hired professionals that the children were separated into two groups for their treatment. The group of children still paired with their siblings, and the group of children that had been admitted alone. They received different forms of treatment, but were kept on the same floor together. Siblings roomed together while those isolated were paired off to try and stimulate a new bond for them. I was told of one older boy that had refused this arrangement and roomed alone. 

The specialist that showed me around handed me a clip board with the roster of children. It listed their approximate age, blood type, and chosen name. When they had first arrived, they were given the option to select a name for them to be addressed as. I was told that many of them selected previous code names they had once been given by Danzo-sama. 

During the day, all of the children were coaxed into a large room with various amenities for them to pass the time as they awaited individual talk therapy sessions. Supposedly they were anti-social, never speaking a word to any of the therapists. 

_“We aren’t even sure if they speak to each other”. The specialist guided me down the hall. I had hardly spoken a word to her, part of me wanting to listen, but another part of me trying to get a hold of my thoughts as my mind drifted in and out of focus. -but from what Haruno-senei has told me about you, it seems that there may be hope for them.”_

_Grabbing my attention with her words, I couldn’t contain the smile I gave her. “I hope that’s true.”_

Entering the room, I suddenly felt 18 pairs of eyes trained on me as if I were a target. The gazes were intense regardless of how empty they looked. I couldn’t help but wonder if this is how I appeared to others when my allegiance was still with ROOT. 

_Do I still look like that?_

Observing the room, the children were scattered, keeping a safe distance from each other. This of course excluded the sibling groups that were compacted together. I suddenly remembered hearing that when they had learned of ROOT’s barbaric trial, those who had nearly lost their close comrade had experienced issues with separation. They rarely were seen apart from one another.

My eyes then drifted to the children who sat alone, lost and empty without the one they knew more than anyone, even themselves. The one they once devoted their life to, but in an act of survival, had to give up that very life to appease the command of their master. Similar to me in most ways.

_“Children, there is someone here who wishes to meet you.”_

_The voice of the specialist was gentle, but it was sharp enough to pierce the silent air. It seems my research of vocal inflection has paid off, because I had noticed how the word “children” was stressed more than the others for the benefit of reminding them that they were indeed still children._

_She received no verbal response from them, but I had figured they were well aware of my presence as they were still glaring straight at me._

_“This is Sai.” She gestured to me. “He was also once from ROOT like you.”_

_Now that more attention was brought to me, I raised my hand in greeting, cocking my head to one side and trying to smile as genuinely as possible._

_Though it doesn’t really matter how convincing it was, I seriously doubted they would be capable of distinguishing it. I felt the need to swallow when I allowed my eyes to slip open and realized that there had been no noticeable reaction._

I spent the rest of my time at the center in a quiet conversation with the specialist regarding future visitation. She also apologized to me about the atmosphere, saying that it has frightened a few of the other therapists.

I’m not going to say that I was afraid of a group of children, but a certain feeling set into me then that I believed to be nervousness. Yes, the therapists and staff at the center wanted this group of children to remember how old they really are, but from experience that is very difficult to remember who you once were when it is drilled into your mind that your existence is meant for the will of another. 

I lag behind my own peers in “life experience”, since most of my life was spent existing through the control of Danzo-sama rather than living. But now I can say with certainty that I have the potential to live like any other man from this point onward. And these children have a better chance than me of achieving that. They just need the proper guidance and a few good friends to help them along. 

As I read this back to myself, it seems like perhaps I could be cut out for this sort of thing, but I might need a little more “life experience” before I can be more successful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you want more from this, because I will follow this up for sure. I just need some fluff in between before I can add onto it. 
> 
> I personally enjoy getting to talk about ROOT because I feel like I can really get into Sai's head because of it. Alas, it is very difficult to provide information for a group that was hardly elaborated on within the source material, so all I can do is provide little bits and pieces. I think this storyline will be able to satisfy this for me. Another thing I like about this hc is that we do see Sai in Boruto successfully lending guidance to people like Sumire, that had their lives controlled by the will of ROOT. It also shows off Sai's development as a character perfectly, effectively being the reason why I like the first arc of Boruto so much. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys are looking forward for more, because I will give you more. I don't know what is coming up next, but I do have a bit of an idea. And as always, comments and criticism are appreciated
> 
> Until next time  
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	11. Entry #11- February 14th (Valentine's day)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS JOURNAL LIVES!
> 
> After nearly 3 weeks, I finally have a new entry just for you! And it's a juicy one. I kind of went all over the place with this one, but on the bright side, it's over 1k words. Perfect for my comeback. 
> 
> Work has been kicking my ass lately, and so has my inspiration from the Newlyweds one shot. Unfortunately for this fic, there may be another time where I switch gears to work on something else, so it's not as if I don't want to continue this fic, it's just that other ideas overtake this one.
> 
> But do not fear, because I plan on prioritizing this fic in the near future. Thanks for the support as always
> 
> LONG LIVE THE JOURNAL!

**February 14**

It’s Valentine’s day.

I find myself kilometers away from the village on another search assignment from the Rokudaime. Lately the highest ranked missions available are to lead search groups for the ranks that were discovered missing after the war’s end.

There were multiple scenarios to describe these cases. There were some that went rogue like the shinobi that were amassed by Gengo in the land of Silence, but that was a small minority of the ones that disappeared. Many of these search groups had discovered that the supposedly “rogue” targets had simply wandered away from the village without notice as some sort of backwards resignation just to conceal themselves in smaller villages outside of Konoha.

Regardless of the intent, it was our responsibility to return them to the village for interrogation out of suspicion for not following standard resignation protocol. 

Although I disagree with their actions, I do understand their motive. Many shinobi had resigned as soon as they could. Both the young and inexperienced, as well as the old and hardened had reached their threshold of tolerance for combat. 

Resignations are still very common 2 years later, as more and more realize the sudden decline in available work due to the truth that is peace. While I’ve also seen a decrease in my work load, I couldn’t ever see myself being anything other than a shinobi; It’s the only thing I know… I don’t know if I could even adjust to doing something different. 

It’s not that I find any specific enjoyment in my work. Work is work, but I can’t help but find a specific fulfillment when I complete a task. I guess that’s just a result of my training. Naruto is usually quite enthusiastic when a job has been “well done” but I mostly assume that’s because he is working towards a higher position. Shikamaru’s demeanor suggests indifference,however he has revealed to me that his main determination lies in supporting Naruto’s rise to the level of Hokage. 

In contrast, Sakura and Ino have only found more work after peace fell upon Konoha. It could arguably be the most important work of all; Healing and revitalizing the village. 

Meanwhile, here I am leading search missions rather than the assassination missions I was executing less than 2 years prior. 

The Choujuu Giga itself was a very essential tool that was best utilized for communication and reconnaissance, but all ROOT agents were highly skilled in assasination. As long as the target was disposed of in an efficient manner, it was enough to fulfill the will of Danzo-sama. And while Konoha’s will of fire has engulfed his will, Danzo-sama’s influence still leaves its remnants in the village’s deep underground networks that we are still far from finished in uprooting. 

For some reason however, the Rokudaime has placed me in charge of this mission instead of allowing me to chase a new lead. And I’m missing Valentine’s day on top of that. 

I find Valentine’s day to be a strange, yet rather enjoyable holiday. The idea of girls giving me chocolates is a strange concept to me, but getting gifts from friends isn’t inherently a bad thing, right?

However, there have been occurrences that now require me to be extra vigilant when celebrating.

Sakura has always been incredibly um… _generous?_ She never fails to hand deliver her own chocolates to Naruto and I every year since becoming teammates. And while I am flattered by the gesture, I can only accept the gift with a smile and a thank you before swiftly tossing them out. 

Despite her good intentions, she has had quite the history of poisoning me and Naruto with her generosity. One year, I expressed my concerns, and what I received in return was a quick dose of lethal retribution for my honesty

_“I cannot accept this. The last time you offered something like this I ended up ill for days.”_

I was expecting some kind of rage to come from Sakura, but instead she seemed calm and collected as she slowly stepped towards me. I turned my head to see Naruto back away, his hands raised in surrender.

_“Sakura-chan…”_

_“Naruto, I need your support on thi-”_

_  
_ My plea was cut off by a punch. In my attempt to dodge, a powerful strike landed onto my trachea, completely cutting off my ability to breathe. It was immensely painful, my hands clutching my neck with strained wheezing breaths and dry coughs. Sakura swiftly yanked me by the collar to apply her healing hands to my throat.

_“Geez, stop moving around so much and next time I won’t accidentally hit something vital.”_

Naruto didn’t laugh for once, but he also never backed me up on my statement. Probably because he didn’t want to get punched. And despite Sakura’s numerous apologies over the incident,I’ve humbly accepted the gift with a thank you to avoid a repeat. 

I don’t fear for my life every Valentine’s day, however. Ino had given me a much different gift for three years now. She had even been kind enough to ask me what I preferred.

_“I do this for my boys every year.”_

I remember that she didn’t meet my eyes when she said that.

_“Shikamaru is a weirdo who likes white chocolate,and while Choji would eat anything I gave him, he prefers his chocolate with nuts…”_

She trailed off, perhaps realizing the awkwardness of the situation. I know for certain I hardly had anything to say to respond to that. 

“ _But I wanted to know what you like…”_

I responded in the only way I knew how at the time, with utter honesty

_“I don’t like the taste of chocolate. It’s too sweet for me.”_

I was too used to the bland and flavorless meals and food pills to have a sense of taste like anyone else of the group. Naruto has set out to “broaden my flavor horizons” by taking me out to various eating establishments around the village with the rest of the guys. I was delightfully surprised how little ramen had fit into his plans, but I know that the others probably have some say in where we go. I have yet to have a bad experience with these outings, but I still prefer tofu above all else and tend to stray away from sweets.

But my statement never would deter Ino.

_“There is such a thing as bittersweet chocolate…”_

She said this more to herself, but determination set into her eyes as I could now clearly see the fire in them

_You’d be willing to try that if I gave it to you, right?”_

At the time, it seemed like she had disregarded what I said, but soon after, I realized that she was actually trying to include me in the tradition. I had no other choice but to accept this condition. 

And nearly 3 years later I still look forward to her figuratively “sweet” gesture. Looking back on it reminds me that she can be pretty cute when she’s embarrassed like that. But I think it’s the sheer force of her will that makes her truly beautiful…

I don’t know if I’m using those descriptors well, but I have decided to use them in the manner I did. 

Upon more thought and observation, I’ve concluded that I am able to find points of attraction in women, or at least in Ino I can. 

When I look into her bright eyes, all I am reminded of is how they were the only things I could focus on when I drew her. Or how her immense kindness had shone through them when she saved my life. Not to mention the sheer determination that flows through her when up against a daunting task. I guess that’s in her blood as an interrogator, but it seems like it is all hers to take control of. 

The same could be said about her smile.

I’ve analyzed many smiles over the past few years, tirelessly trying to find what gives them life and meaning so I could someday replicate them, but all I can muster is a poor imitation. In Ino’s smile, I can see so much emotion emanating from it, outlined by cherry red lips. And I like that.

_I like that quite a bit, actually._

I should probably stop thinking about this while I’m on a mission. My team is already trying to get my attention about a new lead. 

I guess now I have something to look forward to when I get home.

  
Bittersweet chocolate coming from a beautiful girl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm getting really sappy with my writing. Newlyweds was full of it, but now that energy is seeping into this fic. It might not be a bad thing though. 
> 
> I also found enjoyment in writing Sai getting throat punched
> 
> I mentioned work kicking my ass, but next week I will be away visiting my sister out of state. I am kind of worried about the second wave of Rona slamming the country, but I gotta be as careful as I can while traveling. I hope to get some writing done while I'm away. 
> 
> Anyway, comments and critiques are always appreciated. See you next time!
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	12. Entry #12- February 20th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another filler entry...
> 
> Well it isn't just another day really. It's actually Independence day in my country. But to me it feels like an ordinary day in 2020. Switching between playing Persona 3 and checking my phone for another update on the current horror story that is the United States response to the COVID-19 pandemic. Or some more unsurprising evidence about how corrupt the police system is in the country. Or overall how embarrassing it is to be an American in this time in history. 
> 
> I had to cancel an upcoming flight to visit my out of state sister, but on the bright side, I still kept my days off from work. Away from the same shift dealing with conspiring coworkers that brush off the severity of the issue and a good percentage of customers that don't wear masks. I got a full week off of work, but that week is soon to end in 3 days, and I am dreading my return as the situation in my state gets worse by the day. But I figured that with this day off, I should probably do some writing.
> 
> Enough of my clamoring over my current situation, now to today's entry

**February 20th**

This afternoon marked the first meeting of the former “Team 7” since the year’s beginning. 

And what I mean by that is a chance for just the three of us to privately update each other on the current status of our lives at Naruto’s only place of business, Ichiraku. This in fact, is a special occurrence that doesn’t happen too often. 

What I’ve learned about normal adulthood is that it is increasingly more challenging to get into contact with your friends, a case I currently find myself in.

I don’t by any means miss the person I was 2 years ago, nor the state the world itself was in. But I kind of miss the accessibility I had to my peers; my teammates in particular. In those days it was typical to find Naruto haunting Ichiraku or to encounter Sakura at the library. During my time balancing my duty to ROOT against missions with team 7, I was left with little off time. 

The personal schedule of a shinobi is never consistent, comprised of missions that can span from a few days in length to a maximum of many months. And while multiple factors depended on such time spans, you could never predict when a C ranked mission suddenly escalates into one that was equal to that of an A ranked mission, prolonging the ordeal to an immeasurable period of time. 

This occurrence isn’t as frequent as before, but it is still possible given that our “clean up” efforts thus far have been quite messy. 

Therefore, my schedule since ROOT’s disbandment has left me with more freetime, but everyone else now has their time tied up. Even more so with Naruto now that he was in the middle of wedding preparations. He took every opportunity he could to complain about said preparations.

**_“The Hyuuga clan is making all of the plans, but I still have to sit at every long and boring meeting, you know?”_ **

Meanwhile, Sakura could only be found buried in her work at the hospital and was never seen anywhere else in the village. Ino claims that they meet for lunch often, but Ino has explained to me in much detail about how she is “a special case” when it came to Sakura. The explanation itself was a little too lengthy for my preference over the simple fact that she was more available for Sakura since she sometimes took shifts at the hospital. 

It was pleasant to see them again. Naruto complained about the pressures of his upcoming wedding and Sakura continued to pester me about my volunteer work at the children’s center.

**_“It’s hard to schedule an appointment when I’m just so busy.”_ **

**_Sakura would begrudgingly accept my excuse with what I believed to be a teasing remark_ **

**_“Everyone is just so busy! I’ll accept that...for now. But I better catch you there soon. I’ll even make sure that Ino’s snout is on your trail as well.”_ **

**_Naruto would then begin to laugh while I smile constantly at another successful positive interaction._ **

It was an enjoyable gathering to say the least. Up until the point when we ran out of conversation topics and resorted to the typical lull of small talk.

**_“Any word from Sasuke?”_ **

**_“Nope.”_ **

**_“Any new missions?”_ **

**_“Nothing I can disclose to you.”_ **

**_“Any more wedding details?”_ **

**_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** **_“I can hardly pay attention in those meetings.”_ **

And with that concluded our rare meeting. What was a small portion of today can actually go on to bring me a feeling of joy for the rest of the week. Especially as I am about to embark to investigate another case of Kakashi’s suspicions.

The talk we had also served as another gruesome reminder of how active Naruto and Sakura’s lives really are in the grand scheme of things. Naruto is barreling towards a new stage in the life of the human being, with the companionship that is said to come with marriage. And although Sakura is constantly waiting for Sasuke’s return, it was only a matter of time until he did return to “pick things up” where she said they left on.   
  


And all I can do is sit there and nod my head all the while doing the same thing I’ve always done for as long as I can remember.   
  
And I still don’t know how to feel about that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that is another 700 word entry. Not as large as the previous ones, but we are leading up to bigger things soon enough.
> 
> Surprise surprise!
> 
> I'm not sure if you caught that, (I'm sure you didn't, but that's okay I'm about to tell you) but this entry actually concludes the 2 month period of supplement entries and we will finally cover the events of the Sakura novel!
> 
> I actually prefer this novel over the Shikamaru novel purely for the moments between Sai and Ino that seem more genuine and actually showcase their dynamic, which is what I love to see and will love to portray soon. 
> 
> Anyway, I appreciate the increasing support on this story. It's been an interesting and bumpy ride so far, but I do appreciate ya'll who have stuck with me since the beginning. And I also appreciate newcomers who have also read my most recent one shot, "Newlyweds" which is separated from this. Probably the most fluffy thing I've written thus far and it still manages to be depressing.
> 
> I guess that's my motto right now. 
> 
> Again, thanks for the support. And as always, comments and criticism is welcome.
> 
> See ya,   
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	13. Entry #13- March 10th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but here we are! The Sakura Hiden chapter. I really have to go to work, but I just finished this chapter and want to get it out here as soon as I could. I will edit my notes later to add an end note. Hope you all enjoy!

**March 10th**

I’ve been rather deep in thought the last few days over a particularly odd incident that occurred during my most recent assignment. I have never been one to pick apart missions. In ROOT, a successful job was never one to be questioned. Operatives simply moved onto the next assignment while the last was left to the shadows. 

An independent investigation I had conducted under the supervision of our Lord Hokage had finally exposed a primary source of corruption that had plagued the ANBU since Danzo-sama’s shortly-lived rule as Hokage. Taking down senior operative Kido had been a massive undertaking for Sakura, Ino, and I, one that will surely reshape the system in the years to come. We still have plenty of work ahead of us in dismantling the old ways of our elders, but it is another step towards a new era for shinobi. Until then, we are set to be taking measures that do not halt or regress our progress. One preventative procedure is that I have been appointed to be the Daimyo’s primary escort over the duration of his visits to the village. It seemed strange for someone of my caliber to act as a diplomat, but Kakashi-sama had convinced me that this was in order to instill trust that he will not be targeted again.

As grateful as I am for the changes succeeding this mission, there is one thing that has completely “floored me” or so to speak. Besides being a major break in our investigations, it was a fairly abnormal assignment to begin with. I had been appointed to a team alongside Sakura and Ino, who happened to have gotten entangled in the case by pure happenstance. I had been plenty accustomed with working with Sakura, but this was the first instance where I could say I had property coordinated with Ino on an assignment. Beside being one part of the InoShikaCho Trio, she was more often seen working in the Interrogation department, the hospital, and her family’s flower shop. 

It wasn’t as if I was disappointed or uncomfortable with this assignment. In fact, I had grown well adjusted to interacting with Ino in recent months, so I expected our cooperation to be a smooth transition despite the rather unexpected circumstances. However, it seemed as if she had been rather off. I’ll admit that I am no expert in identifying emotions of others, but it looked that way through her mannerisms. She was...skittish, and easily startled, something that contradicted her status as an incredibly skilled ninja. I had assumed that she was able to handle the trials of this assignment. It would be a safe guess to say that she was uncomfortable, but I could never guess as to why that was. Even questioning this later made her squirm and wave it off. 

This odd behavior continued even after the mission’s completion, when Sakura suggested the two of us share a meal together. She had been unable to meet my eyes, constantly shaking her shoulders whenever she spoke, another one of the little tics I noticed.

_“Are you sure you are okay? You can tell me if I’m making you feel uneasy.” I seemed to have startled her once more with that line of questioning._

_“What?!”_

_It came out as a squeak, foreign to her true sound. I had once read that the sound of one’s voice was also an indicator of emotional response. This particular instance further convinced me that she probably wasn’t feeling what one would consider to be “normal.” She glanced at me once before shutting her eyes completely and revealing a smile._

_“I’m fine, Sai. Honestly.” She accompanied this statement with a short laugh._

_Was that a fake smile?_

_We sat in silence for a few minutes more before she spoke up again._

_“Could you at least walk me home after this? I want to show you something.”_

I complied with her request as my interest piqued with her offer. I had a glimmer of hope that this “something” could give me a clue as to what had been bothering her. What I received however, only sent me spiraling further into confusion. 

_There were flowers in her grasp. Dogwoods to be exact. But with a single sprig of lavender lodged into the bunch._

_“This is the reason for my feelings, lately. Please accept them!”_

_Her eyes looked sharp, focused entirely on me and her mouth was set into a frown. She looked angry, but it could’ve also been some other strong emotion. But why? She had just offered me flowers. It was strange to see something so delicate in her hands when she looked at me like that._

_“I don’t understan-”_

_“You don’t need to understand right now. It’s okay. I’ll wait.”_

_I was still, no thoughts coming to mind as to how to possibly react to this situation. My gaze phased between the flowers and her. At this point, her expression softened, leaving behind a coat of redness upon her cheeks. Another smile, only this one hadn’t been like the last. This smile was true. Soft and gentle, just as it had been when she appeared to me in my subconscious. Just as I had wished to replicate through my drawings. I unconsciously reached for the flowers, my hand briefly grazing hers. It was also soft, almost as it was made to handle fragile things with care. I could only stutter words to gratitude before I left, glancing back to see her still form still standing there in front of the shop._

What was the true meaning of this mysterious gesture? I poured myself into every Hanakotoba book I could acquire. But after days of research all I could gather was a conflicting message. The dogwoods symbolized the accepting of one’s feelings.The Lavender itself symbolized the concept of waiting for another. One shouted a strong compelling request, while the other whispered patience. A truly strong message, but what did that have to do with Ino? When she offered the flowers, she explained that this was the reasoning for her odd behavior. “The reason for her feelings.” The dogwood I presume. But she also said she would wait, symbolizing the lavender. For her to send me this message meant that I was supposed to “accept her feelings.” What feelings? Why was she feeling to begin with? I should ask, but no. I want to decipher this for myself. This is much too important for me to just let go of. 

_I’m sorry to make you wait longer, Ino. But I need to figure this out on my own._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to the good stuff! So for those of you unaware. In the Sakura novel, Ino is constantly fighting down her budding feelings for Sai as they are paired off to work together in the novel, to Sai's confusion. Sai meanwhile, is quite comfortable being around Ino, comfortable enough to open the door to her in only his underwear!
> 
> In the beginning of the novel, Ino reveals to Sakura her crush on Sai, lamenting that she is still deciding on what flowers to give him. Although her and Sakura agree that the blunt message of the dogwoods suit Ino best, I like the idea that she is also waiting for Sai. She is patient in his understanding of what her true feelings are. So I said screw it and had her give him both.
> 
> Also the ending was not planned to cut off like that, but I thought it to be a good stopping point. Sai is already confused enough by the gesture, so we'll give him some time to figure it out. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for being patient with me. School is starting very soon so I can't really gauge how much free time I will have to write. 
> 
> As always, comments and criticism is appreciated
> 
> See ya next time
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	14. Entry #14- March 12th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again Saiino nation!
> 
> I'm back! Just in time for the lovely Yamanaka Week 2021. For those of you unaware, Yamanaka Week is the newly created fandom week for all things Saiino and their little family, as created and organized by Saiino fans. It's going to be from January 3rd to the 9th and I am going to be participating with a few new one shots and even a two-shot fic. But how does A New Possession relate? Well, day 1's one shot is going to be directly connected to events in this journal, however it is also something that could be read as a standalone. This is because this particular one shot covers a precious headcanon that I've put a lot of thought into creating, which will also have another one shot connected to that one release later during the week. 
> 
> So for this entry and the 2 after, they will be setting up for that one shot. Luckily I have a well thought out plan on how to achieve that. It is actually November 12th as I write this, as I've already finished this entry and the next in preparation. My school semester ends in 3 weeks at this point and I have been having a relatively decent time juggling my classes with work. It took me about a week to get back into the swing of writing Sai, but with the announcement of the new Inojin episode, my fingers have been flying to write for the journal.

**March 12th**

  
Since my last entry I have made some cognitive progress in decoding the message of the flowers. I have stayed strong in my resistance of any outside assistance despite the times I felt close to faltering. It may seem like I am making myself unnecessary trouble, but I believed it was time I work towards understanding something myself. Besides, it would be unfair to Ino if I disclosed this matter to someone else, especially something that had taken all of her effort to reveal to me.

She told me that she likes me...

Not like anyone else. Something more.

I have reasons to believe that this is a romantic confession.

I’ll be honest in saying that I was not expecting this. Not that I dislike Ino in any way, but I just don’t grasp why she chose me of all people to attach herself to. Why me, when I am not capable of feeling like she can? To say nothing of her status as the head of her clan. I myself do not know of the inner workings of the Yamanaka clan, but one thing I am certain of is that hers is one that holds the value of tradition above all else. Surely as a former member of ROOT, I would never appear on a list of potential suitors for Ino anytime soon. Would she even have a choice in this matter? Could the members of the Yamanaka clan possibly warm up to an emotionless shell of a man like me? Would she be willing to go against her clan’s wishes if they didn’t? For me of all people?

Perhaps I am thinking too far ahead of myself.

Regardless of her commitment to her clan, how am I supposed to give her what she desires from me? I’ve read that relationships come with many expectations on how to behave and respond in certain situations. So many that I couldn’t possibly keep track of. What kinds of things would Ino expect from me in a romantic relationship? Would I be up to the task? How would I know that I feel the same way towards her as she does towards me? Are feelings of romantic affection even something I can distinguish for myself?

I think I’m getting ahead of myself again. To think a few flowers would get the better of me. As I write this,the idea of talking about it with someone becomes more and more desirable. I’d speak to Ino, but unfortunately she had been called away for an impromptu assignment and will not return to the village until next week. It seems a bit inconvenient given that it hasn’t been very long since we took down Kido, but the unforgiving life of a shinobi can never be contested even if it seems unfair. Even if she was still in the village, I don’t know if it is truly appropriate to impose her over something as delicate a matter as this, but I just have so many questions about the subject.

Perhaps I should bring this up to Sakura, as she’s been my go-to on the feminine perspective in the past. All I would have to do is broach the subject without revealing my true intentions.

That shouldn’t be too troublesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short, I know. Hardly clocking in at 500 words and my notes section overrules it in word count, however this is nothing compared to the 2 other entries I have in store. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my comeback. I've been on a real roll with these.
> 
> See Ya Next Week for the Next Entry,
> 
> Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	15. Entry #15- March 15th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Saiino nation,  
> And welcome back to the second installment of consistent uploads! I am actually writing this note after just posting Entry #14, on December 14th. Only a few weeks left until Yamanaka week and I'll admit that I need to get my butt into gear with finishing up the prompts. Besides the 2 oneshots, I decided to add a full 5 chapter fic that ties the whole week together so I now have an extra workload. No matter, because here we are now with some good old fashioned drama. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy

**March 15th**

Maybe I’m working a little too closely to Shikamaru to be using this phrase so fluently, but speaking with Sakura did result in being troublesome. But as much as it was troublesome, it was also quite informative.

_“So Ino finally confessed to you…” spoken as casually as she had just ordered her tea. How could she tell? She only laughed when I vocalized this to her._

_“You think I wouldn’t know?” She continued on her tirade before I could attempt to answer her question.“She told me last week. Plus the more you learn about yourself, the more you become as easy to read as any other man.”_

_I wasn’t sure if that was a compliment, but I thanked her regardless. Sakura leaned forward, her chin resting on her overlapped hands propped up by her elbows on the table. The slight nod of her head gave me a sign that she was encouraging me to continue._

_“She gave me some flowers and implored me to accept them. It took me a few days to realize it was a confession. She seemed very skittish during our mission, so I was quite surprised over this turn of events.”_

_Sakura sighed deeply as she straightened her posture, dropping her hands to the cup of tea that sat in front of her. “I won’t lie to you Sai, but it shocked me at first too.” She paused to take a drink from the steaming cup. I would’ve done the same thing if not for the flicker of nerves I felt bubbling in my chest from her admission. “_

_Ino has always been the flighty type around guys, so it was only natural for you to attract her. But she’s in so deep that she was hesitant in confessing outright? Now THAT is a real shock!”_

_I watched her eyes widen along with her astonishing statement. My hands clutched at my cup, the skin on my palms singing from the heat. Apparently Sakura noticed this before I did, as I followed her gaze lowering to my hands. I winced and forcibly recoiled at the scorching pain that overcame my senses. My palms were bright red, small blisters becoming visible just below my fingers._

_Sakura took my hands in hers, an unimpressed frown set in her features as she tried to alleviate the damage done to them. “Clearly, this is really affecting you as well.”_

_She waved off my thanks and continued. “But the real question lies with you, Sai. How do you feel about Ino?” With that, all of the pressing questions that crowded my mind vanished. I was left stuttering. “I- I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel…”_

_My words tapered off and my gaze fell to my mended fingers that were now fidgeting. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to clear my mind of its haze; A trick I remembered from a book about the art of debate._

_“I like Ino…” I began to feel a dryness in my throat. I probably should’ve had a drink before I scalded my hands. I continued despite the parched feeling. “I find her to be attractive, and she has offered me kindness that no one else has before. And as nice as that makes me feel when I am in her presence, she is a complete mystery to me. I want to know her, that way I can understand why she finds any value in someone like me.”_

_I allowed a pause so that Sakura could speak, but her open mouth produced no words, so I continued._

_“I don’t provide anything of value to her clan and I am the farthest suited to be a romantic partner due to my lack of social understanding, and to speak nothing of my emotion…”_

_My gaze fell into the still steaming cup of tea in front of me._

_“She deserves someone better… Someone who can give her what she desires. Not an empty vessel that doesn’t even know who they are.”_

_“Do you even hear yourself?” The low growl of her voice brought my attention back to her, but my reflexes weren’t fast enough to avoid the grip she now had on my collar. She yanked me towards her from across the table, spilling my tea and startling the shopkeeper._

_“How can you say you don’t know Ino but know what she wants?!” The rage was apparent in her question, so I chose not to answer it. I tried to turn my attention to the shopkeeper, now huddled behind the counter, but her forceful tone directed me back to her._

_“She’s revealed something extremely private and you selfishly treat it as another way to belittle yourself!”_

_I was being selfish? How, when I was thinking of Ino’s best interests in mind? Before I could rebuttal, Sakura’s glare softened. What was this look? Was it pain?_

_“Sai, just talk to Ino when she gets back.” She unhandled my clothing and I took the opportunity to slide back into my seat. She sat back down as well, kneading at her temple with one of the gloved hands that had just assaulted me. “And if you want to know her so badly, just ask her out. That’s what dates are meant for.”_

_“I’ll keep that in mind.” I had nothing else to say as I stood to ask the shopkeeper for a towel to clean the mess that remained._

I managed to break through Sakura’s temper threshold rather quickly. I guess that was her way of defending Ino’s confession. I still don’t fully understand what she meant by me being selfish, but I will admit that I am grateful. Even if I left that teashop with my clothes stained and smelling like Jasmine. 

Regardless, she was right. Talking to Ino is the only way I can properly understand her. Going on an actual date sounds like a daunting task, but I will never know unless I make an attempt. And despite everything that occurred on this eventful day, I still can’t help but smile at the last thing Sakura said to me before we parted ways.

_“You better not mess this up, Sai! Don’t forget that I’m rooting for you two!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Would you believe me if I told you I wrote the whole conversation between Sakura and Sai in one night? This is one I also wrote in mid November, as I was really on a roll with my writing. I really did enjoy writing this conversation, as I like being able to write other characters from time to time. And don't worry about this conflict, this will be developed as we go on. I really do hope you enjoying my comeback. Even as I slowly immerse myself with my first viewing of Inuyasha, I can't seem to shake these two out of my thoughts. 
> 
> See you next week,
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


	16. Entry #16- March 18th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Saiino nation, and welcome to the home stretch leading up to the anticipated Yamanaka Week 2021! I will admit that while I am looking forward to it, I'm still not fully prepared -_-. 
> 
> I will try and fufill my promise, but the holidays have been quite demanding, so it will take a miracle for everything to be posted exactly during the week. Some stuff might be belated, but they will be posted, trust me. But at least I have this to show for it, 3 new chapters of my main fic, and 3 chapters of a multichapter will be posted, which I'm surprised I wrote that much. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy, cuz this chapter is quite the lengthy one.

**March 18th**

Today was the day of Ino’s expected return to the village. Since my enlightening exchange with Sakura, not only have I spent time reflecting, but also preparing for her arrival. 

My first step involved the confirmation of her approximate date and time of arrival. Accomplishing this began with a simple trip to the Hokage’s residence, where I was greeted with the unfortunate news that the Rokudaime had been away; probably on one of his frivolous breaks away from his office. The second best option came in the form of Shikamaru, who was found leaned over the railing that guarded the roof with a cigarette idle in his mouth. He knew of Ino’s arrival, but lazily inquired why I needed such information. Upon plainly telling him my intentions, he choked. After spewing the smoke from his lungs with a coughing fit, he hoarsely disclosed the date she was set to return. 

I then set to work on preparing a small script. I feel as if this could assist in the fluency I deliver my message. I’ve read that preparing speech in vital conversations can help increase confidence in the person speaking so they do not make a misstep during the interaction. I’m told I commonly make errors in speaking and that I do not “mince words.” I figured that this could be essential so if I choose to mince words, it will not be by mistake. 

Today I chose to not mince words with Ino. 

I approached this afternoon standing vigilant near the village gates, peeking at the small script I had been keeping in the pocket of my clothes. I decided to don off-duty attire today, as it was a day I wasn’t expected to work. For some odd reason, wearing anything other than my uniform gave me the feeling of slight discomfort. Similar to a feeling one would have wearing something that was too constricting or contained a loose thread that just didn’t seem to disappear. I doubted this feeling could only be attributed to the clothing however, as seeing her form enter my vision from the forest lining. 

_She was the easiest to spot amongst the dozen or so shinobi she had been leading. The hollering of the men around her seemed to indicate that the mission had been a success, but she wore a face of exhaustion. Her head was downturned as she approached the gates so I inwardly questioned if something had possibly gone amiss during her outing. Afraid that she hadn’t recognized my presence, I called out to her. Her head snapped towards my direction, blue eyes becoming brighter. It looked as if a lightbulb had just been flicked on inside her. She lightly tugged on the flack jacket of a nearby jonin to whisper in his ear before she departed from the unit, her trudge quickly turning into a trot towards me. Or at least it looked like a trot with how her massive ponytail swung behind her._

_“What are you doing here?” she supplemented her question as her greeting and in that instant my lines had been forgotten. “It wouldn’t be accurate to say that I am doing ‘nothing much’ so I will say that I was waiting for your arrival.” I noticed the redness of her cheeks that she attempted to conceal._

_“This isn’t a bad time, is it? I understand if you still had business to attend to.” I opted to ask a question instead of retrieving from my script, realizing that perhaps now wasn’t so opportune for her._

_“Oh please.” She recovered rather quickly and waved it off with a newly invigorated smile. “I’ve just conveyed to him that I have some personal business of my own to attend to, so we shouldn’t have anything to worry about.” I must be the business that she’s referring to._

_“Was there something you needed from me? It’s not everyday that I get to see you like this.” She nodded her head towards me and I clearly didn’t understand what she meant with that. She took note of this quickly with a light laugh before clarifying “I meant your clothing. Very uncommon of you to be dressing so casually.”_

_I instinctively looked down at my attire as if I had forgotten I was wearing it. “Oh-” I flashed a quick smile to hide my misstep “Yes. I am not quite used to it.” The script that resided in my pocket suddenly came to mind. I softly cleared my throat to convey to her a change in topic._

_“I am here because I wish to speak about our mission earlier this month. The flowers I received from you ” I was hoping a casual approach would ease the transition into the topic._

_“Ah.” The sound was softly released from her lips and she evaded her eyes once more._

_Eye contact was said to be essential in meaningful conversation, and her lack of said contact could signify many different kinds of emotion. In this case it probably indicates nerves or shyness, something commonly associated with romantic confessions. Should I be feeling the same speaking about the subject with her now?_

_Brushing that aside, I began to recite the lines I had written myself as accurately as I could:_

_“I was at a loss when I first learned of your message, but after some time to reflect, I came to understand it’s true meaning...” I paused. Her eyes were now trained on me and I suddenly realized how my script has failed me. I am looking for a confirmation, yet I wrote it with assurance that I knew how she truly felt. Sakura had told me that I don’t really know how Ino feels without talking to her. I can’t be misunderstood._

_“-Well, I don’t know if what I’ve discovered is really what you mean. I want to understand you better so I don’t need as much time to process it-” Apparently nerves had now overtaken me, as I now broke our steady eye contact._

_“-But if what I think is correct, then I would say that I am honored and would like to continue down that path with you if you would allow me.”_

_Ino’s sharp inhale brought my eyes back to her. Her shoulders were tensed into a hunch as her hands were now buried into her hands_

_I said something wrong, didn’t I._

_She loudly groaned into her hands, confirming my suspicion._

_“This is all my fault.”_

_What?_

_“Great job Ino, you like a guy and you end up breaking his brain. Just like work. Why couldn’t I’ve just told him outright?”_

_Was she talking to herself? Moreover, was she attaching the blame to herself?_

_She lifted her head, hands slowly sliding from her face. “Sai, I am so sorry that I was a coward over this. I should’ve just talked to you directly.”_

_“I-uh… I don’t understand.” My hand sunk into my pocket, fingers now fiddling with the small paper that contained my script. Would it have been a more pleasant outcome if I just gave her the slip instead of reciting it?_

_“I thought I was being courteous by giving you a subtle message for you to take your time with, but I didn’t realize you would put yourself through so much trouble.”_

_“I understand what you were saying Ino. What I mean is, I don’t understand why you insist on apologizing to me.”_

_“Huh?!” Her tone became exasperated, as if she was preparing to tell me off for what I’ve said. I hope I don’t make her angry by challenging her like this, but it is a small price to pay in the end._

_“I already know how difficult I make things. You shouldn’t have to blame yourself for my shortcomings.”_

_My hand retreated from my pocket, the slip within its clutches. “Here’s what I wanted to say, if it changes anything.” I held the script up for her to grasp and watched with intent as the eyes on her scrunched up face grazed over the page. It wasn’t a very long message, but it seemed to take her a few long seconds for her to read. It was as if everything froze at that moment. Why was it taking so long? Was she upset with me?_

_She wasn’t angry. No, in fact she didn’t make a sound. I watched her features smooth over as her lips twitched slightly upward, suddenly reminded by the beauty she possessed._

_Seeing her like that made everything clear and I finally found the words I had wanted to say all along. I refused to hide from this any longer._

_“I don’t know if I can give you what you truly want. I still struggle to comprehend the little details of bonds, but I want to. I want to learn how to form a deeper bond with you, Ino.”_

_Her free hand moved to her mouth indicating that she had been caught off guard._

_“Well why didn’t you say so, dummy?” Her crystal eyes finally graced mine once again, shimmering. Were those tears?_

_Her arms suddenly found their way around my neck in a passionate display of affection and the breath I hadn’t realized I held was released upon the impact of her body on mine. My hands developed a strange tingling sensation from the contact. Was that normal? I never moved them from their spot at my sides._

_She remained against me for a few seconds more, as I inquired._

_“So does this mean we can ‘go out’ now?”_

_She let out a small laugh at that, her warm breath hitting the skin of my neck. I struggled to repress a shudder at the odd feeling. “If you really want to.”_

_I failed to understand that remark. Didn’t she want to as well?_

_“I was under the impression that you wanted to as well, unless you are teasing me, Ino.”_

_This incited another short laugh, this one more gaudy and slightly obnoxious. She released me from her hold, returning to her previous place and settling for grasping my limp hands._

_“I guess you understand what teasing sounds like now. Another giggle punctuated the comment and the wide grin that split her face seemed a little too infectious. “I just so happen to have a great idea for a date.”_

After our confrontation, she took me by the hand and led me back to the flower shop, where she informed me on the plans for an outing. Not many details were revealed, as she exclaimed that it would be a surprise. All I was directed to do was to meet her at the shop in two days, with clothes a little warmer than what I had been wearing today. 

I will admit that I was grateful that she graciously accepted my request to bring along my sketching materials as well. In fact, she believed the idea to be perfect for the outing. 

I truly wonder what she had in store for us, even now as I lie awake in silent anticipation for our proposed date. 

_I wonder if I should prepare another script?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahah, nearly 2k words O_O.... Yeah I went a little overboard with this interaction, but this is a very important chapter, considering the impact it has on the story moving forward. Now we are ready for the next one shot, entitled "A Walk on Sacred Ground," which will include some headcanon lore from me that's never been to anyone before. 
> 
> Just as before, any and all comments/criticism are welcomed and appreciated, and I hope to see you all next week.
> 
> Happy Holidays,
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is! I think this is an interesting way to express my own personal head canons through my what I believe to be from Sai’s own perspective. This follows the novels and the novel timeline, so I will be including info from them. The next entry will better delve into the kind of story this will be, so I hope you all enjoy this
> 
> Until next time
> 
> -Saikage (grizzlegreertrash)


End file.
